I am in a vortex of obligation.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
