I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dicks are not precious.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
