I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
