i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
