I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i've created a new STD.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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