I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
