Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
