We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
