I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize