so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
