just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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