i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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