Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
