You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
