I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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