is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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