You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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