I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
