You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
