Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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