I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
