when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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