I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
