a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
