She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
