she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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