I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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