Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
