just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
