dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
