I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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