she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
