don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize