Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
