did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
