we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize