i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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