if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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