we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
