Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
