i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
