alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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