At least make sure they are 18
Why
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
