Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize