btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I want a musical about memes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
