The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
