I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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