Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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