It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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