quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
