i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
