Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
