My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize