Screwed.edu
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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