Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
