look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
