I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize
