Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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