If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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