Me. At least after what I've been through.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
