How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
