Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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