I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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