Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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