I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
