All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
