that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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