yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
