wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
