Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
