doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
