Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
