I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
