The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
